I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
