whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
