If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
