Soap is not a condiment
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
