Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
