My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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