yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
