i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
