You smell like stripper and shame
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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