i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
