Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
