so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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