I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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