Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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