Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
