i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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