I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
