but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She even gives head with a lisp.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
