Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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