I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
