I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
