Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
