I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
