I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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