I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize