we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
