On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
please don't ironically join a cult
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