nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
