Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize