just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
