3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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