if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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