Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
