walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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