if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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