are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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