Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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