I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i drank out of a bidet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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