I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
