she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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