very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
