I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
