Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
