You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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