Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
