yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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