i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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