I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize