That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
