I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
