I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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