We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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The air was thick with penises
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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