Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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