just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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