my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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