Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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