she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
