ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she peed on how many people?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize