Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
