I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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