we have officially lost it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
