i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
whose parrot is this?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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