your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
