I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
