atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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