worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
