its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
