What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
