My friends, they love my intelligence
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
