Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Boobs are out for the taking
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
