You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
