My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
